Cracked.com a Bit Off on Legal Weed

I need to start this out with a huge disclaimer: I love Cracked.com. The articles are well researched, interesting and almost always hilarious. And you get to learn some cool stuff to boot. One article, titled, “5 Reasons Legalized Marijuana Might Be Bad for Pot Smokers,” sort of misses the mark. Granted, the article is nearly a year old and the author might have different opinions now, but I wanted to address the logic, as it may help us all to a better understanding. I, in no way, intend to insult the author or any of the fine work that Cracked puts out. I just humbly disagree, and here is why…

Point by point rebuttal to each of the 5 reasons:

1. MMJ is legal enough

 “Don’t let the words “medicinal use” lead you to believe otherwise. If you can’t get a weed card in a medical marijuana state, you just plain don’t want to get high.”

This is just not accurate. Getting a medical card is not what I would call grueling, but it’s not exactly like buying a lotto ticket, either. It requires more than just saying “I have X condition and want weed.” You actually have to sit down with a real doctor and discuss with them why you think cannabis is a good thing for you. As I understand it, a good amount of the patients who ask for authorization are rejected. Though I don’t know if there is even a record of the amount of MMJ authorizations that are denied, I think it would be interesting to see just how many get approved versus how many request them.

2. It won’t be medicine anymore

“If you’re the type who smokes several times a day because it “helps your depression,” is labeling marijuana the “new beer” really an initiative you want to get behind? Once that happens, you’re no longer that person who treats their depression with medical marijuana, you’re that person who treats their depression with beer. Lots of people do that now — we call them alcoholics.”

There are plenty of people out there who self-medicate with a variety of substances, alcohol included. I don’t really dig the idea of calling weed the “new beer” for several reasons, not the least of which is that cannabis predates fermented grains by quite a bit. Also, the scientific and medical community would not likely consider alcohol as medication, nor are there many claims that alcohol has beneficial properties (there are some, such as the medicinal properties of red wine, when consumed in moderation). This cannot be said for weed, more medical indications for weed seem to crop up every day.

That’s part of the point here. If alcohol is legal with scant health benefits and a large possibility of harm, how can weed not be legal as well? Marijuana is not the “new beer.” It is its own substance. I suspect the rationale behind the “new beer” campaign had more to do with marketing it as a safe alternative and sort of piercing the stigma that it has carried for decades. For me, it’s worth opening up access to those who may not even know what it could do for them yet and risking being labelled a “weedaholic.” I love cannabis, I hold no shame about it nor does the approval of anyone else alter my affection.

3. Weed will be the new cigarettes

“Whether it gives you lung cancer or not, smoking marijuana is still smoking. How many places can you smoke cigarettes right now? If you live in an apartment, you probably can’t even smoke at home anymore. There are plenty of cities and towns in this country where smoking in open air places like beaches or parks is forbidden.”

Smoke is annoying to people who don’t smoke. I don’t think this warrants being a sticking point, and the fact that this item made the list, reveals just how hard it must have been to find good reasons to vilify legal weed. It’s just rude to smoke around people who don’t like it, assuming you’re in an area that doesn’t allow smoking. I think it also needs to be pointed out that while weed smoke still has an odor and might irritate non-smokers, there is a pretty big gap between tobacco smoke and cannabis smoke.

You can literally blow an entire bong hit directly at a smoke alarm and it will not go off. The smell of weed smoke, while pungent, is not very long-lasting. I smoked daily and constantly in my old apartment with the windows closed and all. When it was time to move (after about 3 years of residence), I couldn’t even smell it at all less than a day after I stopped smoking in the place. Smoke one cigarette in your garage and that room will smell like tobacco for years to come, if you can ever get it out at all. I think if you’re not a dickhead and act respectful of those around you, this gripe about smoke turning weed into the new cigarettes is pretty silly.

4. Weed commercials will be obnoxious

“By a wide margin, the most annoying thing about marijuana is the people who smoke it. Not all of them, of course, but you know the kind. I’m talking about the weed smoker who doesn’t just take to it as a means to catch a buzz, but instead adopts marijuana culture as a lifestyle. They grow white person dreadlocks and hang Jamaican flags in their dorm rooms and shit. They are, in short, stereotypical stoners, and being associated with their shenanigans is one of the unfortunate downsides of smoking weed, much like anyone who drinks Budweiser is presumed to be racist.”

I think it’s fair to say that likely the most annoying thing about anything you love are the other fanboys who ruin it for you. When I was a teenager (and much more full of impatience and superiority), I would sometimes skip going to concerts of my favorite artists simply because I hated the idiot fans so, so much. But that didn’t ruin the music, it just made me want to avoid the fans. I would also like to say that commercials are, by their very nature, obnoxious. The whole point is to show a product and make you (the consumer) feel that if you don’t have said product your life is shit, and all of this in about 30 seconds. That’s a formula for ridiculous.

Also, you can’t just claim that all weed commercials will be horrible. I personally find advertising pretty annoying in general. The only ads I like are ones that make me laugh (and even that doesn’t really make me want the thing they are pedaling, I just like to laugh). That said, I think we are going to see some irritating ads full of morons who make stoners look terrible and we are going to see some pretty funny and cool takes on the topic as well. I urge you to pick pretty much any product in the world and you’d likely be able to find some really well done advertising for it just as you would find some terrible as well.

5. The profits will only work their way up

“At its heart, medical marijuana is a farming business. Legalization at the federal level means there’s no longer anything stopping corporate America from entering that market and running all of the little people right out of business.”

There is some kernel of truth to be found here. Legalizing weed will most certainly open the door to profiteers and that does carry the potential to drive some smaller businesses out of the fold. While I would love to have legal weed AND keep all the cool little nuances about illegal weed, I just don’t think that’s a real possibility. Turing weed into a legal substance involves compromise from both sides.

When we consider the lack of prosecution and simply being able to have weed without shitting yourself every time a siren rings in the distance, it’s an easy choice to make. Yes, we will lose some of the underground/counter-culture attributes that have long accompanied illegal weed, but I’ll sleep better knowing that people aren’t getting locked up or punished for smoking it.