5 Ways Cannabis Succeeds Where Alcohol Fails

It seems almost laughable to even compare cannabis and alcohol, but everyone can use a good laugh. So here are five ways that cannabis succeeds where alcohol fails:

1. No Hangover

Let’s start with the obvious reason why cannabis succeeds where alcohol fails — the way you feel the next day. You’d be hard pressed to find someone who hasn’t had a hangover. Alcohol seems so innocent at first, those first few drinks seem to go down so easy. Water falls by the wayside as you keep drinking, you already have to piss every 15 minutes after all. Next thing you know, you’re waking up in the morning with a splitting headache and a distinct hatred for light and sound. “Dear god,” you lament to yourself, “what was I thinking? I swear I’ll never drink again!”

Even the most experienced drinkers can easily fall victim to a hangover. Sure, you can buy some weird little “hangover pills” in a 7-11, or even force yourself to drink a glass of water for every shot, but sometimes there is no preventing the misery you’ll feel the next day. If you’re planning on knocking back drinks all night, you better not be planning to function the next day or be up before 1PM.

Not so with cannabis. You can toke all night long, I mean really, all night long, and still wake up the next day refreshed and rested. Cannabis is clearly the winner when it comes to partying all night and still feeling alive the next day.

2. Intelligent Conversation

This one is a favorite of mine, and for the sake of this article we’ll call it ‘intelligent conversation.’ Stoners know the type of conversation I mean — the shit that gets real deep and honest and raw. The type of conversation that makes you feel like you’re unlocking the secrets to the universe and/or making a real difference in the world. Conversation that gets shit done.

Good luck having a night like that with alcohol. Sure, shit can still get real under the influence, but we’re talkin’ emotional outbursts vs. philosophical musings, here. Your drunk friend at the bar right now? He’s about to tell you how much he loves you, but you won’t understand a damn word of it, and halfway through he’s going to start crying. That’s okay, let it out man, but tomorrow let’s try again with some weed.

3. Medicine vs. Poison

Let’s be honest. When comparing cannabis and alcohol, we have to admit that we are literally comparing medicine to poison. It’s really almost unfair, and truly, they hardly belong in the same category. Cannabis has been shown to have an overwhelming number of medicinal benefits for everything from Crohn’s to arthritis to menstruation. Really, the evidence of marijuana’s medicinal qualities continues to pile up every day and cannabis science continues to progress.

…and then there’s alcohol. Destroyer of lives, killer, poison for your body — alcohol is just bad news. I know some winos out there will protest and say that red wine is good for your health, but that claim has recently come under scrutiny. Regardless, alcohol absolutely pales in comparison to the medicinal benefits of cannabis. Alcohol is poison for your body, and cannabis is medicine.

4. No Impaired Judgement

Impaired judgement is a common side effect of alcohol intoxication, and it can have deadly consequences. Decisions made under the influence are rarely ones made in good conscious. Whether it’s deciding to text your ex or thinking you’re okay to get behind the wheel, alcohol has a knack for tricking people into thinking really bad choices are good ones.

Cannabis on the other hand does not impair judgement in this way. If a stoner is too high to drive, they know it, and cannabis hasn’t been shown to significantly affect driving. I don’t know anyone who’s gotten so high they started sloppily texting or confused social cues to mean someone was interested in them. Sure, this is anecdotal, but anyone can see the clear discrepancy between the way alcohol and cannabis effect the mind. Now put the wine cooler down and step away from your cell phone.

5. Sex

It’s pretty obvious to see all the ways in which alcohol is just plain bad for sex, but let’s name them. We’ve already established that it impairs judgement, and that can lead to some uncomfortable moments, both during the act and the next day. Having a head full of booze will rarely lead to a fulfilling encounter, and can make it hard to hone in on your partner’s signals correctly. What’s more is that alcohol has been shown time and time again to cause erectile dysfunction in men, so if one (or both) of said partners is male, well, good luck with that. Some women also report numbness to sensation as a result of alcohol. I don’t know about you, but all of this sounds like a bad time to me. And let’s face it, drunk sex is always sloppy as fuck.

Cannabis, on the other hand, holds real potential for a more intimate and intuitive sexploration. Most stoners would attest to the idea that cannabis makes one a more emphatic and in tune lover. Those who consider cannabis to be a spiritual experience have also found that it assists greatly in things such as tantric sex, and in fact ‘bhang’ has been used in tantric rituals for hundreds of years.

All in all, if this was a contest, cannabis clearly gets to take home the big trophy. It’s laughable for cannabis to be illegal when compared to alcohol, which won the right to legality a while ago. The fact of the matter is that neither should be illegal, and both should be regulated and legal for adults to use.

So, what would you add to the list? Tell us in the comments below.