Stoner’s Guide to Sex: Spicing It Up

Dear Gloria,

I’m worried that I’m beginning to bore my girlfriend in the bedroom. The sex is good, but the passion isn’t there anymore. How can I spice things up without resorting to cheesy cliches like roses and sex coupons?

– Modern Casanova

Dear Modern Casanova,

Perhaps your problem isn’t in the bedroom at all.

If the mental connection isn’t there and constantly nourished, no crazy pretzeled position or cheesy Hallmark cards will improve your love life. Having trouble connecting? Try talking.

Speaking of talking, if you feel the mental connection actually is there and you are having trouble translating that expression physically—common because most of us despise vulnerability—then you should, again, try talking.

As a former Catholic schoolgirl with little guidance in the realm of sex and who was trained to stuff down emotion, I know I obsessed more about whether or not I was performing the way a man expected me to in the bedroom. I focused more on what I looked like and my own insecurities rather than solidifying any sort of psychosexual bond. When you are both worried in your heads about what the other thinks of you, neither of you will have a good time.

I only started having good sex when I started talking.

Talk about it. Ask her what she would like you to do, if she is committed to this she will ask you the same and you guys can move beyond five-minute missionary.

Gloria Gazm answers your sex and relationship questions from a stoned perspective. Have a question for Gloria? Send your inquiries to her at gloria.gazm@gmail.com

Check out other posts from Weedist’s Stoner’s Guide to Sex series!