OH: Hi, I’m Old Hippie, and I’m here to have a talk with Barack Obama, president of the United States.
Mr. President, back in 2008 when you were running for this great office, you gave hope to millions of people suffering from serious medical conditions when you promised that you were “not going to be using Justice Department resources to try to circumvent state laws”. And then, early in your first term, Attorney General Holder released a confirming memo instructing his department to make legal dispensaries low-priority and not to raid the ones complying with state law.
What happened between then and last year, when the US Attorneys started closing down model dispensaries that had been following state law to the letter, and forcing patients to buy their medicine on the street, which has the effect of supporting the violent Mexican cartels? Why did you do that?
OH: Mr. President, in your book Dreams From My Father, you talked a lot about your regular use and enjoyment of marijuana as a young man; you were even part of a bunch you called the Choom Gang. If you had happened to be arrested on drug charges back then, do you think you would be President today, or would you have been imprisoned with your future destroyed, like almost a million other people are every year?
OH: …nothing? (sigh)
Mr. President, well over 70% of Americans across the board support medical marijuana at this point. Are you still working for the American people, or are the concerns of the large pharmaceutical companies, the private prison industry, and the Mexican drug cartels more important to you?
OH: I’m sorry, Mr. President, I can’t hear you. Please stop whimpering.
Do you really think the young generation is so stupid that they can’t see the irony and cynicism of you using the “stoner icons” Harold and Kumar in your campaign ads while your policies continue to put many of their own friends and family in prison?
I’m sorry too, Mr. President. I don’t want Mitt Romney in the White House either, but I’m afraid I’ll be voting for Gary Johnson this year. I’m not stupid enough to vote for anyone who basically intends to put me in prison too.
Update: President Obama mentioned in his acceptance speech at the DNC “climate change is not a hoax. More droughts and floods and wildfires are not a joke.” Well, Mr. President, I’d just like to point out that medical marijuana is not a hoax, and more arrests and raids and dispensary closures are not a joke.