Unexpected Consequences of Repealing Prohibition: Unemployed Wildlife

Harrold lost his job in Seattle when the local dispensary put him out of business.

Drug dealers in Argentina have been training pigeons to deliver marijuana. Aside from generating a stoner’s dream headline, has anyone thought of what repealing prohibition might do to the the burgeoning animal courier industry in our country?

Once anyone can just walk to the 7-11 and buy a pack of joints or have your Safeway personal shopper pick a nice heady sativa between cantaloupes and taco shells, what will happen to the pigeons, ferrets, feral cats and raccoons that make their living delivering illicit goods at all hours of the day? If these typically animalian tasks get outsourced to your average college kid, is there a safety net to care for the (literally dozens) of animals that will now have to go back to their day jobs of eating trash and shitting on statues?

Here in my native Washington there is already a protest being organized at the zoo. Just this morning I saw a muskrat with a picket sign calling FedEx and Ups drivers “scabs.” When will it end? Will the pigeons create an “occupy” movement and camp in dispensary parking lots, cooing bitterly at all the people who drove themselves to get their own cannabis?

Here’s a pigeon just trying to earn a living making (marijuana) deliveries in Colombia before the po-po shut him down:

This is a serious problem, everyone. The next time a cat drops off your bag of hash gummy bears, be sure to tip extra. Who knows how long he/she will have a job.