When Should You Talk to Your Kids About Cannabis?

As a parent and cannabis supporter, the following question has been put to me by various people: what is the appropriate age to have a talk with my kids about cannabis?

This is not a question that, I believe, has a clear and defined boundary. The socially responsible answer varies on your location. In Seattle, where I live, the easy answer is to say that 21 is the right age, since that is how old my kids need to be to legally use recreational cannabis.

However, the easy answer takes the easy way out. Like beer, cigarettes and porn, the legal age barrier is hardly a realistic deterrent. I grew up a pretty good kid. I got good grades, had a job and was generally pleasant and respectful to my parents. But I also had tried weed before I was old enough to drive, and I tried alcohol, tobacco (and saw porn, too) before I was 13.

I’ll concede that the age barrier does a good job at preventing much underage use in legalized states and I am certainly not in favor of removing age limits, but to think that that alone will stop some younglings from making less than stellar choices is naive.

For my kids, the right time to talk about cannabis has been sort of reactive to them making a comment about it. My youngest smelled some weed in the air at a park one day and knew what it was. When pressed for how he knew the smell, he shrugged and said he’d smelled it when on a ski trip with his grandparents and they told him what the smell was. Recently, my oldest made a comment that he felt light headed after walking past some of his school peers who were smoking after classes.

In each case, I asked them if they had ever tried it. Both said they hadn’t and that they didn’t intend to, feeling like they were endangering their lives if they got caught up with cannabis. This thinking, I can only imagine, is the product of the still-anachronistic drug education curriculum in our public schools. Since cannabis is still illegal federally, public schools still have to educate under those auspices.

However, I have to admit, I didn’t get on my soapbox and defend weed. Had my kids been actually using cannabis, the conversation would have been much different and I will address how I might handle this in another article. I want them to have an accurate perception of weed, but while they are still underage, I’m actually ok with them having a no-use policy with ALL drugs.

My wife and I have told our kids, however, that weed is less dangerous than alcohol and cigarettes. For me, that little bit of information is necessary to keep them safe. I have vocally and frequently discussed how shitty tobacco is for you and how easy it is to go too far with drinking and the risks entailed. I’ll continue to scuttle my unabashed enthusiasm for cannabis until they are out of high school. Maybe it’s not right, but it’s right for me.

As for my take on the “right” age for the talk, it’s going to depend on your kids. If you have a decently close relationship with them, you’ll likely know when the time is right. I think more important than when you talk to them, is how. The last thing kids need at these crucial ages is more judgement and feeling that they are disappointing their parents. Have an open heart and be honest — but be honest in such a way that doesn’t send them out on a weed hunt because they think you’re totally fine with them using drugs as children.

Even if they can’t verbalize it well, kids are much better at sniffing out bullshit than we think/hope. By the time they’re old enough to be curious about weed, they’re plenty old enough to know when you’re feeding them a line.