Stoner’s Guide to Sex: Weed Lube, Good Idea or Terrible?

Dear Gloria,

Weed oil as lube — good or terrible idea?

-Kara B.

Dear Kara,

I honestly wanted this to be a great idea, I really did. To put it simply, don’t waste good weed by smearing it on your pussy in a failed attempt to have that “15 minute orgasm” you have read about online.

I was given a bottle of a prominent marijuana infused lube (not naming names!) to test a while back. The company marketed itself as a women-centric brand intent on improving the sex lives of women everywhere — noble cause considering 75 percent of women are unable to achieve orgasm during intercourse and 5 percent say they have never experienced an orgasm at all.

There’s more to this story. A handful of companies have now been releasing cannabis-infused lubes and telling women that they can experience a unique physical “high” in their vagina by using it. Mind you these lube tubes aren’t cheap — about $1/ml or up to $75 or $80 a bottle!

The instructions said to put it on and wait 10 minutes before action. I was home alone at the time so I sprayed it on and waited uncomfortably in moist panties before masturbating. While masturbating is always fun, nothing out of the ordinary happened.

So I went back to the marketing rep and told them I wasn’t impressed, nothing happened but messy masturbation. They said they would put me in touch with the company’s CEO — let’s call him “Bob” — who would send me studies proving you could get your vagina high. Bob also suggested leaving the lube on for 30-45 minutes the next time I tried it.

So I sprayed more weed on my beaver and I waited. I uncomfortably checked my emails and trolled Facebook while waiting out the time before sex — this time I gave it 45 minutes. My partner and I had alright enough sex, but the lube had been on so long it began drying on our skin and flaking all over the sheets. No 15-minute orgasm and no crazy vagina high.

Bob never sent me those studies.

The final nail in the coffin for me and marijuana lube was a quick look at the ingredients list — infused coconut oil. If you have access to a bag of trim and a crockpot you can make yourself a giant jar of this at home for less than $10. Grind the herbs and throw it in a crockpot with coconut oil for 4-6 hours and then strain out the vegetative material. Voila! You now have your very own marijuana lube, no purchase or doctor’s recommendation required.

Gloria Gazm answers your sex and relationship questions from a stoned perspective. Have a question for Gloria? Send your inquiries to her at gloria.gazm@gmail.com

Check out other posts from Weedist’s Stoner’s Guide to Sex series!