Law & Politics

FBI Having Trouble Hiring Hackers Because They're All Stoners, Source: http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/t_original/om0zjnttaznloyimeug0.jpgThe FBI has trouble enough as it is, for various reasons, finding cybersecurity experts (hackers). But a new struggle is that all of the best qualified potential employees for the job smoke pot. Yup, you read that right – federal government officials have complained of the difficulty in hiring good hackers because most of the talent they’re looking for also happen to smoke weed. Guess that little cannabis prohibition thing backfired on you there eh, Uncle Sam?

FBI Director James B. Comey said that in order to keep up with the growing number of criminal hackers, “the organization may have to loosen up its no-tolerance policy for hiring those who like to smoke marijuana.” At an annual conference in the New York City Bar Association in Manhattan, Comey told the White Collar Crime Institute that many of the nation’s leading hackers and computer wizards frequently enjoy partaking of the ganj (I just can’t stop laughing while typing this).

The FBI has been authorized to add 2,000 employees to the payroll this year, many of whom will be working on dealing with internet crimes and cybersecurity issues, a growing concern for the government in this technological age. So the government is forced to fight fire with fire, sending stoner hackers to the defense against cybersecurity threats who, (now this is only speculation here) most likely smoke weed ‘eryday themselves.

“I have to hire a great work force to compete with those cyber criminals and some of those kids want to smoke weed on the way to the interview,” said Mr. Comey. It sounds like these hot shot hackers know what a valuable asset they would be to the FBI, so they just light up and don’t give a f***. But really though, what self respecting hacker would want to quit smoking weed just to go work for the feds, that just sounds boring.

According to Mr. Comey, the FBI is currently “grappling with the question right now” of how to change the agency’s cannabis policy, which as of now prohibits hiring employees if they have smoked weed within the past three years. When asked by one conference attendee about a friend who didn’t apply to the FBI because of their anti-cannabis policy, Coney replied, “He should go ahead and apply,” regardless of the current policy. You know it would be nice if the feds were as lenient with the cannabis policy on the rest of us as they are with themselves.

Either way it sounds like the FBI may have to mellow out on their cannabis restriction policy if they want to stay ahead of cyber criminals. And to the nation’s finest weed loving hackers out there, we salute you for trolling the federal cannabis prohibitionists harder than anyone else ever could.