Law & Politics

New Zealand Stuck in Prohibition Timewarp, Source: http://motorbikeholidaysnz.co.nz/wp-content/themes/motorbikeholidaysnz/images/body.jpgNew Zealand is a funny place. To be fair, I have never been there. What I know about the country is what I saw in Lord of the Rings and Flight of the Conchords. It seems like a breathtakingly gorgeous, yet staggeringly underpopulated place with a bizarre mix of social and political sects.

As it is spring time in New Zealand, police constables have issued a warning and a request to locals: be on the look out for cannabis and report it if you see any.

These are some of the things that NZ police constables would like residents to look out for:

“Police ask the public to report any suspicious activity including people seen repeatedly going to certain locations at odd times of the day and night and shovels, spades and other such equipment being carried into the bush.

The public are also asked to be wary of vehicles in rural areas closed to the public or with difficult access, unusual lights in rural areas at night and distinctive smells coming from rural areas or properties.

Items going missing from rural properties that might be used in accessing plots and cultivation, such as farm bikes and fencing equipment, can also be a giveaway.

Even when cannabis is being grown inside buildings there are tell-tale signs for the public and landlords to look out for, including residents increasing fence heights and curtains being closed day and night.

Shed and garage windows being blocked out also raise suspicion, as do bright lights on constantly or at strange times, sounds of fans continually running and people visiting at all hours of the day and night.”

I spent my middle and high school years living in a town of 800 people and the above list of suspicious behavior shows me that small towns are more or less the same, regardless of the geographic coordinates. As an example, in the police blotter of my hometown, a man called the cops to report that someone had broken into his house and stolen his half-drunk bottle of Jim Beam.

Police arrived on the scene (yes, they actually had so little to do, they went to this dude’s house) and discovered that the alleged missing bottle of Jim was, in fact, under the man’s couch, and leaking into his carpet. Other calls were to report neighbor’s dogs barking too loudly at a resident’s pet chicken. I’m not even kind of exaggerating.

If New Zealanders aren’t clear if they live in a small town, let me put that one to bed for you. If you have time enough on your hands to notice how often curtains are drawn or if people are suspiciously walking into the woods with a shovel, you live in a small town.

Like their anachronistic police tactics, New Zealand constables are still stating prohibitionist fiction as cold, hard fact. The rationale for cracking down on this Devil’s Harvest is nothing we haven’t heard in past generations: “Cannabis not only causes millions of dollars of social harm each year but it destroys lives and relationships. Other crimes such as theft and burglary are often committed to fund cannabis habits. Police are dedicated to reducing the demand for cannabis and disrupting the supply chain.”

I’m not sure if the constables are just so provincial that they truly believe that garbage or if they are willfully lying in support of outdated rhetoric. C’mon New Zealand! Legalize weed! It would be a tremendous boon to your tourism dollars. You’ve got one of the most beautiful countries on Earth, it’s a shame that people aren’t allowed to get baked and enjoy it.