Colorado High School and the Gravity Bong Lockdown

A Colorado high school went into modified lockdown after a student apparently took a big hit off a gravity bong. My first reaction to the headline was a mix of bewilderment and a notion that the school overreacted.

The school, for its part, released a statement in response to the harrowing event:

“As a precautionary measure, our students were placed on a modified lockdown to limit movement throughout the school,” the school said in a statement, adding that teenagers who had been near the device were examined by medical personnel. As always, students’ safety is our number one priority,” it said. “All students were fine and the school is resuming business as usual. The school said it was working with the proper authorities to resolve the issue, and that it would provide more information when available. It did not give details on the student who brought the pipe to class, nor possible disciplinary measures.”

I’m not sure if any of you have hit a gravity bong, but they are not what you would call a “stealthy” apparatus. The ones I used in high school were built by cutting the bottom off a gallon milk jug, MacGuyver-ing the bowl from a standard bong into the spout, and submerging it in a 5 gallon bucket of water. These things are big and obvious. I would love to know, just for the sake of my own curiosity, how a student got one of these things into school, let alone was able to hit it in class.

As it turns out, the school didn’t really overreact. It sounds like it was a short-lived and localized lockdown, born more as a result of the fire alarm going off and no one outside of the bonged classroom knew what was happening. It sounds like the lockdown was lifted after the threat was deemed unworthy of such a response.

As a parent, I can only hope that any lockdowns my children are a part of are in response to a cannabis incursion. I did, however, have a good chuckle reading that the students were examined by medical personnel. That must have been the most fun the paramedics had all week. I can hear them now, “You’re going to be fine. I recommend you head home and play Super Mario Bros until the pizza arrives.”

Considering the terrible trend of school shootings and violence that typically leads to a lockdown, it was a welcome relief to see one regarding something this silly. I do feel it necessary to say, though, that whichever kid did this is probably an f-ing idiot. Legality doesn’t mean you get to be a jackass. Stop making the rest of us look bad!