Stoner Dating From One Woman’s View

When Elite Daily published this article about the great reasons to date a stoner chick, I shared it with my friends because I thought it was cute and funny. I was surprised that several of my friends did not see the humor. Others bemoaned that they were stoner chicks; why couldn’t they find a good boyfriend? One friend suggested that I write a “serious” rebuttal because this piece was offensive. Since I still found it funny, I tucked it away until now.

Spring is in the air; it is the time for romance. So let’s talk about dating, stoner women. I can’t promise to be serious; dating is not a priority for me. Using the Elite Daily criteria, here goes nothing!

I must start by saying that Elite Daily is a publication that calls itself, “The Voice of Generation Y.” I was not aware of such a generation, so I looked it up. Generation Y is made up of people born between 1980 and 2000, also called the Millennials. In my world, this would be my son, who is twenty-eight. My point, dear friends, is that for most of us who were offended or felt like we met the criteria, yet had no boyfriend: we are too old for this target audience. The men we want to date are not in the audience targeted by elite Today Magazine – spark one and relax.

The next thing I noticed about the article was that it was written by a woman, Lauren Martin. In her little bio at the bottom, she is called a “comedy writer.” From that, I can ascertain that this piece is supposed to be humorous. For me, it is. I do not want to date the man who is looking for this “chick,” and neither should you if you are over thirty. Let’s take a look at why this guy is not great date material, as well as what we really need, no matter our age.

1. When You Don’t Have Bud, She Will
Who wants to date a guy that is always running out of weed? I think I speak for all of us when I say that we are happy to share what we have, but our stoner dates need to be able to hold their own. And, I will NEVER part with the last of my weed – ever. So, as long as I am feeling like the trade back and forth is good, I am cool with sharing a bowl when times get tight. But if it’s only me and always me who has to cough up, I’m out. I don’t think there’s an age limit for this one.

2. She Understands that Sex is Better with a Bong
In my mind, this one can’t be argued. Cannabis heightens your senses and makes fun things even more fun. This is not limited to sex, for sure, but I know sex is better with weed. That’s why it’s important to date a man who understands this. That way, everybody’s happy!

3. She Wants to Do Stupid High Activities with You
For younger women, this may be true. I did some pretty silly stuff when I was young. Just because we’re high doesn’t mean that we are stupid, though. So I think we can agree that we all know where to draw the line when it comes to “stupid activities.” No one wants to go to jail or get hurt. I’m not saying that line is drawn in the same place for all of us; it’s an ever-changing, individual decision.

4. She Understands More than the Average Chick
That compliment can be a double edged sword. It’s fine to understand about Sunday afternoon football or poker night, but this comes down to setting good boundaries about what is okay. If you take the last of my weed without asking me first, we have a problem. I think that stoners in general have more empathy than other people. So, yes, we do understand – just stay out of my weed and be honest!

5. She is Low-Maintenance and Will Gladly Stay In With You
This one varies by age group and personality in general. Here in Oregon, we like to go outdoors and take our buzz along. As we get older, more of us like to stay home. I am not sure this applies to all of us, and if you are a Weedist who likes activities, you’re not going to want to date a couch potato, and vice-versa. Staying in can be fun, but I think it’s just as important to get out, too. The trick is to find a stoner date who likes to do what you like to do.

6. She Understands When You Just Need to Get High
Yes, yes, we do. Our stoner man needs to understand that we have those times, too. A little quiet time with a bowl after a hard day can make a cranky bitch into that fun girl you first met. Everybody needs a little space from time to time. It shouldn’t be a big deal.

7. She’s Down to Stay Up Until 5 am to Get McDonald’s Breakfast
This is another one that can be age related. It also depends on your employment situation, kids and more. I do think it can be fun to stay up all night with someone special; I think most women would agree regardless of their age. Sometimes, it just takes a little planning.

8. She Knows How to Use Her Tongue
I am not sure what to say about this one. I can roll a good joint, but I know plenty of guys who are way better at it than I am. This is being written tongue-in-cheek, so there’s that. I will say that Weedists are a creative bunch; I am sure this spills over to every area of our lives.

9. She’s Just as Upset as You When You Run Out of Bud
Well of course we are. This is especially true if you didn’t tell us before we came over. If we’re really together as a team, I am going to make sure I have a little bit stashed so this never needs to happen. If it’s happening a lot, see above; I’m out.

10. She Gets You Sick Presents
And she expects equally thoughtful presents in return. If you put in the same time and effort as your partner in this area, the rewards will be amazing. You will both be so happy with the presents you receive from someone who pays attention and really wants to give you amazing prezzies. But, if I am getting you that killer dab rig that you were lusting after, and all I am getting is roses from the gas station, we’ve got a problem.

11. She’s Your Best Friend
We form bonds with other cannabis consumers that we don’t have with the rest of the world. Of course we are best friends with our stoner snuggle buddies. That’s how it works best, even without our common bond.

Now that we’ve broken this all down, it’s easy to see that the Elite Today article wasn’t so bad after all. Everybody wants to be loved and accepted for who they are. Stoners just have a few special criteria for both men AND women. It’s not a bad thing!