Dispensary Life: Quarantining and Washing Kief Laden Clothes

I have the greatest job in the world. I get to talk about weed all day, talk about getting high all day, sell the best medicine ever, meet new people, and be in contact with 14 strains and piles of edibles all day. I could not ask for a better place to work and Colorado is the best state to live in right now. I smell like weed everyday. Life is good working at the dispensary.

There are some oddities with my job that I could not have dreamed about. On days when the weed is flowing out the door, there are countless containers filled with weed. If you have never handled huge amounts of weed all day you should know this: kief is a super fine particle that floats through the air and sticks to everything. First world state problem, I know.

The constant stream of weed leaves you covered in kief. It’s impossible to stop it. So I just have come to accept it. When it comes time to wash the clothes, I treat them like hazardous waste. Not because kief or weed is toxic, I love kief cones after all, but because the smell of weed is so strong that it will permeate the very molecules of other fabrics and fuse as one. I don’t want my wife’s clothes smelling like weed because her work environment is very anti-drugs and I don’t want to draw attention.

There is not a soap on the planet that can get kief out of clothes. It’s not something that manufacturers have to think about. Could you imagine the marketing though? “ALL. Now with kief fighting power crystals!” Awesome. It’s really a funny situation to be in. I would have never expected to quarantine my clothes because of weed odor. Maybe I should write a letter to the soap makers that could go something like this…

Dear Major Washing Machine Soap Manufacturer,

I work for a cannabis dispensary in Colorado and would like to suggest a change to your product. When making your next formula for washing machine soap, please consider my cleaning needs. I would like you to make a special soap blend that binds to weed, washing it cleanly away and leaving my clothes smelling fresh and not like weed.

I understand this is an odd request as most of you are likely squares and have not even seen weed. Please reconnect with your customer base and realize that there are far more people involved with weed now.

You could call this new soap something cool… I am not high enough right now to come up with a cool idea. It’ll come to me and when it does I’ll send you another letter.

Thank you,

Colorado Dugout