What’s in a Name? Marijuana Strain Names Will Have to Change if We Want to Win the Drug War

In 2010, at the first High Times Medical Cannabis Cup in San Francisco, the marijuana strain that took home the top prize went by the not-so-appropriate name “God’s Pussy.” This, of course, was shrouded in controversy. Not only because the genetics that won under the name “God’s Pussy” were actually TGA Genetics “Vortex“, but also the name itself was hardly appropriate for a “medical” cannabis strain.

Without dissecting the actual name in terms of feminism or the obvious renaming of an amazing medical strain of marijuana, this is just one example of the many reasons we need to rethink how we name strains of medical cannabis.

“Hey mom, I think smoking some of God’s Pussy will really help you get through chemo…”

Can you imagine helping an elderly, suffering relative by giving them a baggie of God’s Pussy? That’s kind of where we are today. In the recreational world, marijuana should have fun names. Who doesn’t like walking into a bar and asking for an Adios Motherfucker or a Blow Job? But a pharmacy? Here, to treat this migraine I think you just need a little Alaskan Thunderfuck. No, and it’s time for us to rethink the nomenclature we use to discern genetics in medical marijuana. Name’s such as “Green Crack” elicit comparisons of back alley drug deals. The famous blue meth from Breaking Bad or the new cheap heroin that flooded the streets in The Wire. If we want to win the War on Drugs, we must also stop naming marijuana strains like, well… street drugs. The term “drug” can be used in so many ways. We go to a drugstore to buy cleaning supplies, aspirin and soda, all of which affect our brain chemistry. But, if we want marijuana to really gain acceptance outside the movement as the medicine we know it legitimately is, perhaps it is time to start naming strains appropriately. Instead of “Green Crack”, how about “Green Adderall”? “Green Valium”? Or, if we want to treat it like real scientific breeding, we would map out the heritage and use agricultural terms that scientifically classify the strain with the name.

Back when we thought he was an OG.

For example, one of my favorite strains is J-27. I have heard various explanations of where the name originated (possibly a Southern California Highway, although I am pretty sure it originated up North) but the explanation I will use as an example is that it is Jack Herer, bred through 27 generations of the strain. The name tells you what you need to know. Hopefully, one day, we will be able to openly study the genetic makeup of strains and reclassify them in a more appropriate and scientifically correct way. Look, I know names also sell. Back in ’08 “Obama” was flying off dispensary shelves, but do you really believe that was a new strain? It’s novelty, and appropriate for a legal recreational market. The problem is, these names are holding us back from the legal recreational market by turning off people outside the fold. And yes, we do need to appeal to people who don’t believe marijuana should be legal for recreational or medical purposes. Have you seen the poll numbers lately? Every single year more and more Americans believe the War on Drugs is a profiteering farce and that we shouldn’t send anyone to jail for marijuana. Every single time another American gets sick and someone turns them on to marijuana to treat their symptoms, a whole family accepts medical marijuana as a fact, not just a back-door way to push legalization. (Really, it’s both.) Scientific naming of cannabis plants would allow us the ability to determine medicinal or recreational effect. If the parent genetics are explained in the name, it will be far easier for us to determine their efficacy for treating different conditions. In the War on Drugs, we are fighting the battle for public opinion. Isn’t it time to rise to the challenge, one strain at a time?